I recently heard Dr. Lynn Scoresby speak on marriage. He taught for an hour about changing ourselves to help our marriages and other relationships. He talked about how communication is everything,  and how to say empathy statements.

• “If I am understanding correctly…” … 
• “I would feel X too in that situation” … 
• “You’re right” … 
• “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this…” … 
• “I’ve experienced this issue recently too” … 
• “Thank you for getting in touch about this”…

 He reinforced  how important listening is. One of the best things he said was, “In your busy to-do list do you have a relationship building activity to do with your spouse every day?”

This is a request that will change our marriages. Time spent together is good, quality time is even better. 

This is an honest account from a blog I found  of what happens when you don’t have a relationship activity with your spouse everyday. Notice as you read what happened when they started being intentional– the shift they made.  A relationship building activity  doesn’t have to be time-consuming. 

“Let me give you an example from my own life. For years my husband and I sat side by side on the couch after work watching television.’

“During this time, we stared straight ahead, watching the Discovery channel or some nerdy documentary. When the show was over, I went back upstairs to work on my computer, and he went downstairs to work on his. We spent time in the same room, but we may as well have been miles apart.’ 

“Then it got worse. We stopped watching television together after our first son was born. We lived in separate parts of the house, and slowly, over time, we began to fail one another.’

“A simple shift in our behavior dramatically improved our relationship. Rather than coming home, vacating to our separate rooms, or sitting side by side watching TV, we began to sit down, grab a drink and talk to one another.’

“Sometimes we do this on the couch, out on the stoop in front of our house, or in the thirty-year-old hot tub that came with the house we bought over two decades ago.’

“I knew my relationship was important, yet I did absolutely nothing to strengthen it. I am ashamed to say I ignored the things I most valued.”9

A “simple shift in our behavior dramatically improved our relationship.” The author could see that they couldn’t keep living parallel lives in the same house. I don’t know who initiated the simple shift, but talking for a few minutes everyday can make a huge difference in a marriage relationship.

One Education Week instructor told how he and his wife had a firm date of 9:00 p.m. watching a movie together in bed, every night.  With 5 children and demanding schedules, they carved out this time together every day, to be together and by showing up at 9:00 at night ready to relax. This is one of the most intentional relationship building exercises I have ever heard of!